Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
only you would photoshop your dick
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize