He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
