What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
