The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
