Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
