life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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