Whoa Z and x make the same sound
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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