is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
