whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
