Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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