I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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