So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
