So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
They are going to name an STD after you.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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