Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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