I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
