that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
