if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
