So drunk its hurt
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize