you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
