So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
