I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I still have a little drunk in my system
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
