Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
