Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
this just has baby written all over it
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
