i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
