I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
