it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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