woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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