I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Operation Purity has been aborted
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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