I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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