You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize