i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
