a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
