I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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