I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
