I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
