When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Still dying that you shit outside
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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