Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
