i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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