I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You are the jesus of drinking
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
