need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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