never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
