Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
