hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize