He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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