were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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