whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
