eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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