even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize