Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
