dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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