Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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