I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
This is not my ceiling
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
