Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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