dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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