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There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
