break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
