you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
bring money and cleavage
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
