Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
