I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
