we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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